Is Kindness Still Possible?

Do you speak with disdain about “those people” on the other side of politics or with whom you disagree? If so, is this impacting your personal health and relationships? Author Kurt Vonnegut observes: "Hate, in the long run, is about as nourishing as cyanide." Are you becoming like Dr. Seuss’s The Grinch whose “heart was two sizes too small?” 

Of course, there is still kindness among family, friends, and even strangers. I love the Hidden Brain podcast series “My Unsung Hero” on NPR. In these powerful stories, people recall ways that others – most often strangers – positively impacted their lives. 

For example, Mary Fran Lyons was stressed in a mall after losing her hair to chemotherapy. A passing stranger who observed her distress said, “You're going to be OK.” More than 20 years later, Lyons recalls: “If that woman were standing in front of me right now, I would say to her, ‘You gave me hope at a time when I really needed to hear it.’ ”  

Another example: Samantha Hodge-Williams was terrified as she lay on an operating table worrying that a large ovarian mass might be cancerous. A kind anesthesiologist sensed her unease and engaged in a gentle conversation that led to singing. Hodge-Williams fondly recalls the compassion “to take a few moments to care for me.”   

While kindness is still around, there seems to less of it than there used to be. In an essay “How America Got Mean,” David Brooks writes that our culture has shifted from an emphasis on character and reputation to self-centeredness and narcissism. 

We remember television’s Mr. Fred Rogers telling children to be kind to one another, but many think it is perfectly OK these days to demean or even threaten other people. Disrespect pervades our schools, workplaces, and public spaces – including highways with frustrated drivers giving others the finger.    

We need to do better in the spirit of these words from the 14th Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”   

For more on this topic see my latest “Together Across differences” substack post https://togethernow.substack.com/p/can-we-treat-others-with-kindness