Overcoming the Stress of Family Holiday Gatherings
As the authors of Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times, we reject the notion that division with others is inevitable. We have more control than we think, starting with how we engage with those with contrary opinions. Treating others with dignity and respect and applying curiosity is a great place to start.
You might dread seeing someone at an upcoming family gathering, but there are ways to positively engage when there is an elephant (or donkey) in the room. For example, if Uncle Fred makes a dig about how you voted as you are swallowing a mouthful of turkey and cranberry sauce, you could say, “I know we disagree about politics, but family is so important to me and I don’t want to see politics get in the way of our relationship.”
If you want to engage further after dinner, start by listening to understand, asking questions, and acknowledging what he has to say. Then pivot with a comment like, “Can I share my thoughts on this topic?” If Uncle Fred agrees, you will increase the chances that he will listen to your perspectives. With a little planning and practice, you might even leave a family dinner with a smile on your face -- as opposed to grumbling with your partner on the way home over uncle’s upsetting comment.
Practicing beforehand with sympathetic friends or in Braver Angels workshops can significantly increase your readiness for difficult conversations. Our book offers a hopeful roadmap for Americans trying to make sense of this dark moment and finding better ways to engage with family and friends with different ideas about politics. We offer a path forward with practical steps to overcome growing political distrust. While many are fearful about our nation’s future, we share personal stories and useful ways to better our lives, our relationships, and our country.
We each have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!